Samuel Butler
“Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.”
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“I’m a born-again atheist.”
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W. C. Fields
“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.”
Dave Barry
“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”
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John Ruskin
“There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man’s lawful prey.”
Albert Einstein
“I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.”
Robert Orben
“There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.”
“The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”
“All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.”
“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.”
“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”